Maybe I am crazy
If I stopped and wrote down all the things I think about every day that my brain wants to explore, all I would do is write. Does that make me crazy? Do other people have the same problem? What is the difference between people who think about ways to make things better and never do anything about it, and those who think about ways to make things better and can’t help but act?
And, what is the risk of thinking so fundamentally different about things that you are willing to take the big risks even if you aren’t 100% sure you are correct? At what point does it become dangerous and careless? I understand that you should take little bets, bounce off the walls, persevere if you are moving more towards yes, and shift (or possibly abandon) if you are getting closer to no… But, what constitutes a small bet? If it all comes back to risk tolerance, then a small bet for one, could be a huge bet for another.
Some people believe that if you jump, the net will appear. But, they don’t discuss the fact that someone will have to be holding the net that will catch you. What if you leap and your last resort is to fall into the net of someone who doesn’t share your values. What if, because you leaped, you created a new prison for yourself. What if instead of believing that constrictions are prisons, you start believing that constrictions are opportunities for creating new paths?
Is it hubris to think that I could be as brilliant as Albert Einstein? Or that maybe I’m as crazy, but equally as talented as Toulouse Lautrec? What is a healthy amount of self-esteem to have if your physical doesn’t match your braininess?
I leave you with this, my favorite quote, as I go back to folding the now cold laundry…
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”
PS – – – I’m absolutely terrified to hit “Publish” on this post.