My biggest fear
My daughter keeps asking me, “Mom, what is your biggest fear?” and, my answer is always, “My biggest fear is to not reach my potential because I am too scared to take the leap.” The truth is, I have no clue what the leap is. I don’t even know what I am scared of… I’m not scared of failing because each failure is just a lesson in why you are headed the right way or the wrong way. I think what I am most scared of is inaction. I’m scared I will reach the end of my life and not have done anything because I spent my entire life doing the laundry and the dishes.
My husband and I have a regular Sunday argument: He thinks Sunday is for getting ready for Monday – – house must be clean, groceries purchased, school bags packed, all the laundry done, all the dishes done, etc. Like there’s some magical cutoff at bedtime on Sunday and if we don’t get all the chores done Monday won’t happen. I think that Sunday should be for family time – – relax, play outside, go on a picnic, read a book, cook together, etc. Needless to say, this causes a riff and I end up cleaning ALL day and being angry and pouting and saying that all I ever do is clean. I never get to work on any projects because the house is never clean enough, there’s always laundry, someone needs a bath, there’s a dish in the sink, blah, blah, blah.
Then I pick on myself for complaining about having laundry to do because there are some people who don’t even have clothes, much less a washing machine in their house. Then I think about some people not having houses. Then I think about homeless children. Then I think that I need to get back to work on one of my projects that are going to spin-off a little money for me and a lot of money to save a section of the population that needs my help. Then I start working on the business and the dryer buzzes and I have to get up and go fold the laundry.
PS – I’ve found that washing dishes is a close second to taking a shower in terms of when I do my best thinking and get my best ideas.